Whenever you lead “sex or drug education” lessons, there’s always that one brazen and usually flippant student who asks, “What about you? Did you do it or not?” While some teachers feel that they are obligated to share their personal experiences with students, I beg to differ. Let’s consider the following regarding such inquiries.
If you had experimented with drugs and/or had sex before marriage, does that change the message? No. The central message of drug/sex education at Christian schools is that one ought not mess around with drugs or engage in premarital sex. That message has nothing to do with the one who is delivering the message. It’s similar to how pastors and preachers share God’s Word with congregants. If the preachers teach the congregation to not steal, but the pastor had stolen something in the past, does his/her past failure alter the central message? Obviously not. Similarly, the message of abstinence (for both drugs and sex) does not change because the one presenting the information and guidelines may have had personal successes or failures.
Isn’t the teaching “weakened” or become less impactful if the instructor had personal failures? Absolutely not. The fact that young people should not experiment with drugs and/or not have sex prior to marriage is independent of the one who is instructing them. Whether the message of abstinence from drugs is taught by a former addict, a current addict, or one who never laid a finger on drugs is irrelevant to the teachings. In fact, in some instances, a former drug addict’s message can be even more powerful. A former sex addict’s testimony can also be powerful, but it may not be wise to have such speakers at Christian schools, especially when educating younger students. Also, if sex education is taught by one of the school staff, disclosing personal history can diminish that person’s efficacy as a teacher/admin in the long run.
If you have never touched drugs and/or remained pure before marriage, does that strengthen the message? Perhaps. If the person who is educating the students on these topics had never touched drugs and/or remained pure before marriage, that’s fantastic. However, that doesn’t mean that that information should be liberally disclosed to “strengthen” the central message. Perhaps sharing such details is more about one’s hubris (pride). We need to check our often misguided desires to make the message more “dramatic” or impactful. Also, one should check with other adults (namely, senior admins and even board members) as to whether sharing one’s personal story is appropriate or not.
Should you ever share your personal story or experience with students? Maybe, maybe not. I personally believe that instructors in sex and/or drug education classes should not share their personal experiences with students in public. Again, what is the purpose of sharing such details? That question must be explored (as we did here) before making revelations. I am convinced that such details are only appropriate in private and personal settings, not in a classroom or auditorium full of students. To repeat, it’s one thing for guest speakers to use personal testimonies as part of their message. Such people come, give the talk, and they leave. But, it’s completely another thing for school staff to share his/her past related to drugs or sex. That person will be on campus every day to interact with students. Keep that in mind!
Years ago, on an open mic night at my church, one of the Sunday School teachers openly shared his sexually active lifestyle while backsliding before getting married. I don’t think that revelation was necessary nor positive to the students. What was the point? Was the revelation appropriate to students? Did the message edify (morally improve or positively impact) those who were there? How did his wife feel about the revelation? Was he really focused on Jesus, or was he simply stating how “cool” or “bad” he was before getting serious with his faith? I’m sure some students thought he was “cool” for sharing. But, the rest of the adults had to deal with the mess he left behind–from parent complaints to church leaders looking into the matter to some students feeling uncomfortable around him.
In conclusion, I think it’s inappropriate for students to ask personal questions about the instructor’s past on sex life or drug use in group settings. If the response is negative to “Have you used drugs” or “Have you had sex before getting married,” some students may find your response encouraging but smart-alecks will chuckle, snicker, and not believe you. If the response is, “Yes,” the smart-alecks will still say something like, “See, you are asking us to do something you couldn’t do.” There’s no way to win with such students–and there are always a few in the crowd!
That’s why I think any personal revelations in public settings should be avoided. It’s just not helpful to share personal pasts related to drugs and sex with immature and crass students (almost always boys). When I hear such questions, I ask that questioner to come and see me privately, sincerely, and respectfully to discuss the matter.
For those who are leading discussions or seminars at your school on the topics of drugs and sex, I applaud you for doing this. As a footnote, while drug education speakers and curriculum material are readily available, that’s not the case with sex education in Christian schools. I want to, thus, praise you for taking on the task that most teachers avoid. But, don’t fall for the trap of some smart-alecks who ask personal experience questions in public. Ask them to be respectful of your privacy, and it’s probably wise to make that disclaimer at the start of your presentation.
[Stay tuned for Part 2]
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