If you’ve been on an airplane, you know that the airline staff provides safety instructions on actions to take in emergencies. Examples include how to put on life vests and how to locate emergency exits. They also tell you how to put on oxygen masks, specifically reminding the adults to put on their masks before masking the children.
That might sound counterintuitive because children’s needs are almost always placed above those of adults. Yet, the instruction is logical because an unconscious adult cannot help a child. In fact, if the adult loses consciousness, then both the adult and the child will be in danger. A child needs the adult to be conscious and alive in emergencies.
This principle of “adults first” applies to parenting. Parents must take care of themselves first even though that sounds counterintuitive. In certain cultures and traditions, parents are expected to make unlimited sacrifices for their children always. While that “sounds” great, I am convinced that it’s happy parents who raise happy children, healthy parents who raise healthy children, and principled parents who raise principled children. Conversely, unhealthy parents (ex. emotionally drained, physically fatigued or ill, financially struggling, etc.) will most likely leave a negative footprint on their child. This is not always the case, but the chances are very high.
I usually ask the following questions to find out how parents are doing. These questions are not exhaustive, but they can gauge the parent's "wellness":
What does your typical day or week look like?
Are you working too much, or do you prefer work over home?
Do you have family time and enjoy being with your family?
How would you rate your stress level, from 1 to 10, with 10 as the worst?
Does your work cause physical pain?
Are you eating well and taking care of your body?
Do you rest regularly to recover from fatigue?
Do you exercise regularly?
How is your mental state and health?
Do you get angry or frustrated about small or normal things?
How would you rate your relationship with your spouse and children?
How would your spouse and children rate their relationship with you?
Do you have a hobby or an activity that you enjoy regularly?
Are you spending too much time on social media or TV?
What are you doing to take care of your heart and soul?
What books have you read recently?
How is your walk with God?
These are relevant and important questions that every parent must answer. Why? Because if parents aren’t taking care of their body, mind, and soul, their child is probably unhealthy and struggling with motivation, discipline, school work, and relationships.
Having read this article, a parent may feel awful. But, don’t lose heart! You can choose today to amend your ways and make improvements. Parenting is hard, and life challenges are endless. So, parents, you need not be too hard on yourself. (But, also let's not continue to make, or hide behind, excuses.)
Wherever you are in life, whatever state you're in, as a parent, you owe it to you and your children to take care of yourself first. Parents, your state of mind, and overall well-being impact your children significantly. So, take good care of yourself first. That’s not selfishness -- it's prudence. Don't let the false guilt trip you up.
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