"Mom. Dad. I need some space."
Many pre-teens and most teenagers are asking for much-needed space for themselves. In essence, their body language, demeanor, and demand for privacy can be translated as follows: “Mom and Dad, don’t barge into my room, corner me, make demands, or ask a whole bunch of questions as if you were inquisitioning. I need some space--and time--to think on my own, to be alone, to start figuring thing out on my own, and be apart from you guys. I still love you, but I am not your baby anymore. Please, start treating me like a person who is growing up even though I don’t act like a grown-up. Give me some space!”
Dr. Song’s Advice: Pre-teens and teeangers have all kinds of thoughts, impulses, and often unwarranted fear. Some of those concerns and worries seem rather trivial and silly to parents. However, they are very real to young people. Rather than intruding, give them space. And, patiently wait for opportunities to connect. It’s better to wait for their initiative to engage with you, do don’t force it. If your child has his/her own room, knock before you enter. Don’t peek in all the time, asking what’s on the computer screen, or what he/she is doing. Don’t be a nosy, meddlesome parent. Be cool--give them some space/time to be alone.
Parents need to recall what it was like for them when they were teenagers. While parents should not allow teens to do whatever they want to do, they can allow some "room" or "space" for them to "chill out."
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